It's not that I just don't know the names of Olympic athletes. I don't care what their names are. I can't run. I can't play on the rings, and I can't throw a javelin. So I don't watch the Olympics. Take that, NBC and China! While we're at it: I don't even think the Olympics are good for the world. Why are we all converging over sports when we can't even have successful global talks about anything really important? You know, like... TV. I would attend a Real TV Olympics. Let's put Californication up against whatever shows about writers air in other countries (I don't know them because I'm an American who lacks, how you say, "curiosity?"). Let's get Tony Soprano to kick some Australian Mafia ass. How about opening ceremonies with the Pussy Cat Dolls giving all those Chinese cheerleaders body dismorphic disorders. Let's have Mad Men slyly persuade and mock its way around that Russian show about car salesmen. I want to see Estonian drug dealers fuck with the guys from The Wire. For the dudes from Big Bang Theory to throw scientifically superior discuses at any sit-com writer who ever set foot on a foreign studio lot and thought he could write physics grad-school humor... In my world, the Real TV Olympics would be something worth watching. Too meta for you? Get on the train. Sports is for wimps, weaklings, and losers.