Glass Shallot by Adam Baer | Adambaer.com

coming attractions

Byrne tallks to the Shallot. Stay tuned.

that ain't me, or trust me: i would not ever refer to ethel merman and do not own an iphone

Readers shocked the Shallot today with e-mails aflutter stating how proud they were to see me mentioned in today's David Pogue column. Well, sorry friendos. That ain't me. Must be another Adam Baer. Maybe the installation artist who wants me to give up the domain name adambaer.com -- you know, the guy about whom I once pitched Wired an Internet Doppelganger story.

Men At Work at Work. No, Really.

Talk about Overkill.

how were films made before coraline?

The question is shooting through Hollywood's power corridors this morning, and we're here to report on the phenomenon. Apparently, directors have wasted most of the modern film era trying to tell stories on a one-dimensional screen one could watch when in fact they should have been writing search-for-the-missing-items video games as movies that come straight at your eyes like that bus that almost flattened you co-worker this morning on Wilshire. I mean, do all these directors from the past realize how much they forced us to miss out on? Did they really think that by letting us watch creatively etched narratives told in moving pictures -- or hell, showing us finely drawn classic cartoons -- that we would be able to use our imaginations and draw distinctions between real life and the movies? Clearly, no one had a second to think about how much better it would be to just throw us all into some simulated virtual world with thin scripts and mindless role-playing so fully realized that we'd find our lives even more boring than they objectively remain. Oh, Coraline. Where you have been all these years?

Some topics we're pondering of late (regular programming on its way!)

A scientist's work is never done

We are big fans of this new study, which finally gives the overweight an excuse to be stupid. But what about us stupid people who were morons before we got fat?

We. Want. Answers!

We'd post today but we're Foxtrotting. With difficulty.

New Year's Resolution

Never throw black-tie parties for our new premium vodka without making sure each lovely guest gets into a cab when the sun comes up.

WE DO THE THING TO DO FOR: DEC 31

Ah, home

Surprise, the book is empty! (We'll be here--in the virtual Catskills, that is--all week.)