Glass Shallot by Adam Baer

gefilte fish-off 3.0

If you actually think you can beat Shallot's only gefilte fish winner, feel free to send in your recipes now, regardless of how you feel about that tired subject called Organized Religion (boo! yay!). Bonus: Best gefilte-related story wins you a publication and a surprise award to be discussed in public on this here Interweb portal.

gefilte fish-off 07

Remember the old Great Gefilte Fishoff? Well, Shallot fish friend Tammy has happily donated yet another gefilte fish Web feature.

See her beautiful gefilte-doctoring guide, fresh for 2007, and enjoy!

dancing the line

Who knew that all this gefilte-fishing would teach me something about Jewish genealogy? The winning Tammy writes to say that since her grandmother's recipe reminds me of my grandmother's, it's likely we hail from the same side of Eastern Europe -- that there's a "gefilte fish line" delineating two schools of fish-making (sweet v. savory) and wouldn't you know, two schools of Yiddish, among other things.

gefilte winner

I'm surprised at how many disgruntled gefilte fans are writing to request the winning recipe of the Great Gefilte Fish-off. I apologize: things in Shallot-land have been a little hectic to say the least. Thankfully, however, I have done the testing (of course dressed in the proper attire; see the above shoyt) and come up with this fine, finned victor. The winner - a lovely young lady called Tammy from NY -- writes:

"This recipe is my grandmother's.  She passed away 8 months ago, and a large part of my eulogy was devoted to our misadventures in gefilte
fish-making.  The recipe serves 25-30; don't get stuck eating it for
weeks like we did unless you have 25-30 gefilte-loving friends.

Preparing the fish:

9 lbs. carp (buy ground)
3 lb. either white fish, pike, or mullet (buy ground) -- my grandmom
suggests buying roe fish, b/c it's sweeter
*** Make sure the skin and bones from the white fish are included.
Fish men are not good listeners (a running theme in aforementioned
eulogy).

Put the fish in a pot with just enough water to cover it & bring to a boil.

Grind 4 onions and 2 carrots and add to the fish, along with:

2 T salt
2 T pepper (to taste, really)
6 eggs, beaten
1 1/2 c. water
9 T matzo meal

Mix until blended, then chop so it aerates.  (My grandmom had a
special wide, shallow wooden bowl & hand-held chopper for this
purpose.)

At the bottom of the pot, put:

6 onions, chopped
6 carrots, sliced
1 T salt
1 T pepper (again, to taste)
15 c. water (enough to nearly, but not entirely, cover the fish)
1 sweet potato, peeled & quartered
skin & bones from the white fish (wrap up the loose bones in skin)
onions peels (wrapped up into a compact package)

Bring everything to a boil.  Shape the fish into cakes and drop into
the pan one at a time.  On top of the fish cakes put tied-up dill &
parsnip (basically, leftover soup greens -- any good Jewish housewife
would have just finished making matzo ball soup).  Cover the pot &
cook for 2 hours.  While it's cooking, shake the pot so nothing
sticks to the bottom and burns.  After about an hour of cooking take
off the lid and baste the fish cakes.  Rotate which cakes are on top
so all have a chance to brown.

When you're done, remove the fish cakes and arrange them in a flat
container.  Discard the onion peels, soup greens, and skin & bones.
Then remove the sweet potato & carrots and slice to accompany your
fish.  Finally, pour the liquid around the fish cakes (you may wish
to strain out some, if not all, of the onion).  Put the container
into the refrigerator until cold.  Voila.

FYI, making gefilte fish is, quite frankly, a pain in the ass.  Even
my grandmother would agree.  She & I both got lazy in our old age and
doctored the store-bought stuff, which turned out surprisingly well &
fooled everyone.  (Basically, you prepare the pot as above, but dump
in the contents of a couple jars of Manischewitz' finest.)"

The verdict on Tammy's recipe: It gave me tsoris, making such a huge batch, but nothing tasted more like my Grandma's than this one. And now the mystery has been solved! Tammy is a golden gefilte goddesss.

**Lastly: Thanks Tammy -- and thanks to all those who entered (you know who you are). If you couldn't slather together some grimy fish meal this time, well, stay tuned for more Shallot food contests, featuring, among other things, borscht, corned beef, and oysters rockefeller!

Happy New Year!

The Great Gefilte Fish-off (Ep. 1)

The threats have been made, the mobilization process begun. Yes, the gefiltes have been swimming into *glassShallot's dockside headquarters one by one. And I must say, I'm hearten-ED to see how many of our fine finned friends have decided to give their lives for such noble research. That's right, this is Episode One of the Great Gefilte Fish-off (read the first post and introduction to the virtual hunt for America's best gefilte here). And I can today report the reception of five notable recipes. Be aware, as you read this: hardworking *glassShallot employees are currently carting in sacks of ripe carp by the dozen, and the kitchen-testing process will get underway as soon as humanly possible. For those who haven't yet entered, what, pray tell, is wrong with you? Surely you're tough enough to handle some scale slime for the sake of a tasty Rosh Hashanah snack. Or maybe you're just not capable of something so virtuous? Maybe that's just the kind of person you are: weak, scared, lame, lacking any semblance of compassion in your spoiled, halibut-like heart. To those potential competitors, I can only say this: You will go down in your everyday lives and rue the day you shunned gefiltes. Frightened, as well you should be? Get yourself together, man and woman, and be the biggest baddest sturgeon on your stoop by submitting your recipe here again! Homeade gefiltes will rise. Oh yes: rise they will.

The Great Gefilte Fish-Off (Intro)

In yet another *glassShallot food flash...

I have decided to spearhead (no pun intended) the grandest virtual gefilte fishing expedition ever attempted.

Back in the '80s, my grandmother Lillian ground up by hand the tastiest gefilte blend this side of Warsaw. She found her willing gilled friends at some of Brighton Beach's finest mongering establishments, but failed to detail exactly what ingredients she used. Grouper? Whitefish? Sturgeon? And the spices? Anything's possible. We were all too busy stuffing our faces with that delectable grout-hued gold, swimming in gelatinous juice, with a pale orange slice of carrot on top, to ask questions. The result? Neither I nor Beeferman, I presume, has had a piece of store-bought gefilte since. It's not that it's just not the same. It's that it's something entirely different. And putrid.

Which is why I implore you, dear reader, to please help me on my hunt for that elusive gefilte clearly still thriving on certain Jewish New Year tables at the celebratory beginning of Autumn.  Do you have a Jewish grandmother still living in Brooklyn? (Or L.A.'s Fairfax district, Phoenix, or any other hidden gefilte haunt?) Does the half-Jewish guy that your third-cousin divorced still have one? I have access to all the foodie mags, Web sites, and television cooking networks an amateur chef could want. What I need is someone with some old-school experience. Someone who has done real -- pardon the expression, Mom -- ghetto-testing -- or watched someone who has. Share with the world your best gefilte recipe, and worry not about killing family secrets. You have one month, as the High Holidays are upon us, and I refuse to look hatefully at one more jar of that ripe, rubbery mess known as canned gefilte come celebration time. All entries will be tested and detailed online with photo and video of the tasting process before a final winner is announced on October 3. The grand prize? A whole year free of guilt. (And your story published.)  You know you want it. Now get grindin' and enter.